The Chosen One

Okay. Here I go.

So I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard the news about Victoria Beckham being pregnant with Baby #4 (a.k.a. “Heir to Posh Spice’s Wardrobe” or “The Chosen One” given -- of course  -- that Baby #4’s a bambina and not another bambino).  So excited was I that I immediately ran down the hall to my cousin’s room and proudly informed her -- to her disdain -- that  I was going to be an aunt (in much the same way that I’m Willow Smith’s older sister and no, you can’t tell me I’m not). 

You see, assuming Baby #4 comes correct (i.e. with two X chromosomes), she will essentially be my Shiloh Jolie Pitt: the baby of all babies with the birth of all births.  I’ve secretly been anticipating this announcement since ’04 when Posh and Becks first landed on my Canadian radar (three years before they landed on the rest of North America’s, mind you).  It’s no secret the Beckhams have been coveting a baby girl for Victoria to pass her Birkins down to, and at 36, this might be her last chance. Questions about whether they invested in gender selection methods to ensure they get a girl this time are already being asked but let’s be honest...if you were them --already blessed with three healthy boys and had the financial means and resources necessary-- wouldn’t you?  Well, you might not admit it but I would.

Again, assuming this kid knows what’s good for it and arrives with the proper reproductive organs, she’ll likely be SPOILED in ways even Suri Cruise and her Burberry nappies couldn’t imagine.  I can already picture David bent over The Chosen One’s custom designed Marc Jacobs bassinet, coochicoo-ing away while placing a diamond encrusted rattle in her tiny hand -- not unlike Rhett Butler in that scene from Gone With the Wind when Bonnie Blue is born and Rhett won’t shut up about how he’s going to buy her a pony or something.  Yeah, like that.  But even more lavish.

And then there’s the thing about the name.  When you’re part of the Beckham clan, an ordinary name is simply out of the question.  Years ago when Victoria was pregnant with Romeo but reported (by the British tabloids) to be having a baby girl, it began to circulate that the Beckhams highly favoured the name “Paris” for their unborn daughter (apparently they loved the city and felt the name would complement the one they’d already given their first child, Brooklyn).  True or untrue, a lot of time has passed since then and as we all know, the name “Paris” has been tainted to the point where it likely won’t be reusable for another fifteen years.  So what’s left?  I say go North and name the kid London – it’s patriotic, fierce and (dare I say it?) "posh" enough.

Five bucks says her first word’s “Gucci”.